In my latest blog post, I complained about the gendered struggles I face, as a liberal Yiddish-speaking father, while reading and singing Yiddish children’s books and songs to my son. On one hand, I’m faced with a mother-oriented literature that erases my own lived experience as a father who changes diapers, cooks meals, brings his kid to daycare, pushes the baby stroller, and reads bedtime stories. In the world of Yiddish children’s literature, such fathers do not exist – I do not exist – such domestic work is almost always and only done by the mothers. On the other hand, I’m simultaneously faced with a male-centered literature that challenges my family’s egalitarian worldview, practices, and experiences. The vast majority of characters are boys and men, and even on those rare occasions when girls are the main characters, their plots and personalities are much more superficial and boring. Boys go on adventures; girls stay home and learn how to keep things organized. Boys’ plots tend to be more carefully developed; girls’ plots tend to feel much more artificial and sloppy. Boys are brave and experimental; girls are scared and cautious. Rabbis are always men; only boys wear yarmulkes, engage in serious text study, or handle religious items like mezuzot and Torah scrolls. This does not match my family’s lived experience, in which my wife – my son’s mommy – is a rabbi, loves to study Talmud, and davens with tallis and tefillin. It does not match my family’s lived experience, in which my wife – my son’s mommy – is braver than I am and loves to go on adventures, while I prefer to stay home and keep things orderly. And it certainly doesn’t match our values.
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